A Personal Blog *gasp!!*

My church has a new & awesome website: http://www.crossroads.net/ . One area is called "Forum", where news, questions, and general sharing occurs. Someone posed the question today: "How are you changing and questions you are wrestling with"? Great question! So here was my response. Please tell me (honestly) what you think:

Thanks for this. It's a great topic. It's one of the things that I love so much about Crossroads -- the opportunity to be honest and live our lives transparently and openly.

The Lord is challenging me in a number of areas, one 'biggie' is being able to see Jesus in all people, not just the ones I consider "godly" or "righteous". As a result of this conviction that He's put on my heart, I have had to face some pretty difficult and ugly things about myself. That's a good thing, but painful nonetheless.

True, sincere, and unconditional love of all people is my current "big" area of struggle/growth. I'm not proud of this. On the contrary, I'm really ashamed. It's easy for me to love those that are approachable, approving, law-abiding, encouraging, funny, and somewhat mature in their faith and Bible knowledge. Oh. And it helps if they interpret the Scripture in a similar manner as I do and like/dislike the same authors, music, preachers, and teachers. Pretty selfish, smug, and self-righteous of me, isn't it? Ouch. Talk about growing pains.

What's ironic and conflicting is that there is nothing I love more than seeing people grow and receive healing change by the love and power of God. But that's part of it, I guess. I like to see growth in people and get frustrated when I see their lives and behaviors not changing, just staying in the same place day after day, year after year.

As I've been searching the Scriptures and praying about this (and more importantly, listening), I've found out so much about my own attitudes regarding this part of me and even more about the Person of Jesus. I've been taking a close look at His friends, those He deeply loved and embraced. They weren't the "beautiful people". In fact, they were the opposite. They were those that society mocked, scorned, and avoided. Thieves, prostitutes, drug addicts, murderers -- people that I make every effort to avoid in my "precious Christian bubble". Sure, I am kind to these folks that I consider "different" from myself, I pray for them, and am tolerant of them. But do I love them? Do I love them the way that I love others more like myself? Most importantly, do I love them the way that Jesus does?

So I am on a personal journey to love people, really love them. Just as they are, just where they are. In this process, I am learning to repent of my attitudes, my indifferent heart, and receive the forgiveness offered to me for these ugly and shameful traits.

It's a good journey so far. I am beginning to recognize when these attitudes pop up, ask for forgiveness, and be ever-so-grateful for the more tender and sensitive heart God is giving me.

And you know what? In God's eyes, I'm no different than anyone else. When He created us, He did that personally and intimately. And when Jesus died on the Cross, He did that for each and every one of us, just as personally and just as intimately.

Lord, please never let me forget the filth you have rescued me from and the filth that continues to exist in my heart. Thank you for loving me RIGHT WHERE I AM, JUST AS I AM. Help me to give that same love to others.